Storminess and sunshine: the tension between emotional heaviness and lightness

27 Jun

In life, there are some of us who are drawn more to the shadows of existence and others who are naturally inclined to turn towards the sun. It’s an instinctive pull, which can be managed deliberately over time, but ultimately seems to run quite deep – the way our attention is subconsciously magnetised to signs of threat and loss or reward and gain. For people who see opportunity readily, even adversity can quickly reveal gems of insight and benefit. For those who identify with a more melancholy outlook, even happy times can be overlaid with a bittersweet knowing that it will end one day. There are likely to be differing contributions from temperamental (our inborn basic personality), developmental (our stage of maturation) and environmental (the types of experiences and situations we have encountered) factors which combine to produce a more optimistic or pessimistic mindset.

What can sometimes make this tension tricky is the judgement that can come along with it. We may interpret positivity as warmth, strength, triviality, frivolousness or flippancy. We may interpret negativity as coldness, weakness, depth, earnestness, realism. Rather than evaluate whether it’s good or bad, right or wrong, what can be helpful is to reflect on whether there is avoidance in either state. Does your optimism relate to the joy that comes from having a genuine ‘glass half-full’ perspective or to a denial of the full spectrum of your emotional experience which includes sadness, fear and anger? Does your pessimism relate to a grounded understanding of the impermanence and uncertainty of things or to a dislike of feeling the delight of an unashamed moment of happiness or connecting with your own vitality? There is power in emodiversity – the ability to connect with the full potential of your emotional range.

Ideas for engaging with this particular tension:

BODY: try to adopt a physical posture that symbolises optimism to you. Think about how you might want to position your hands, feet and face and how you might also hold your facial features. Your body will feed back signals to your brain which may either enhance or attenuate feelings of positivity and spaciousness. Experiment until you find a posture that maximises these feelings. Allow a feeling of joy to build in your heart and notice any emotional flows or resistance. If possible, try not to block any of these – just acknowledge them and maybe later think about where they might come from. Fully embody this feeling of happiness, contentment, satisfaction or whatever you would like to call it. Relax into it. And then do the same with a pose that symbolises melancholy to you. Let this feeling wash over and through you and don’t push it away. Make room for a feeling of respect for both states if possible.

MIND: put a magnifying glass on your own reactions to and interpretations of events. Do you have a tendency to focus on the distressing aspects of life or to be attracted towards material that expresses the heaviness of and vulnerability in the world? Or do you have a tendency to see resilience and vibrancy around you, or to feel very curious about the opportunities there are for learning something new about yourself or others? Humans tend to do what seems to work for them (even when that may not be very effective). Why does it feel like this outlook works for you? Do you believe that it might keep you safe from harm or does it confirm something that you need to be true about life? Has it helped you to persevere through hard times or brought meaningful experiences and connections into your life? And importantly, what helps you to be flexible so that you are able to move between the states?

SPIRIT: when you are ready, close your eyes and take some slow, steady breaths. Let your body become loose and relaxed and start to create an image in your mind’s eye of somewhere in nature that you like to be. See that place in the spring time, with the feeling of potential in the air. There is a restless energy and excitement; the stirring of life. Connect with a feeling of appreciation for the latent energy that is about to burst forth. Stay there for as long as you like. Then see the same place in the summer, with the brightness and easiness of a time when things feel clear and beaming. When you’re ready, see this place move into autumn, when the energy shifts and starts to curl up and turn downwards. Look at all the little details and give them their place in the cycle of life. And finally see winter with it’s quiet power and space for contemplation, with subtle signs of life. See how beautiful this place is, in all of it’s forms.